Stand up ladies!

Last year at Glastonbury desperation forced me to try something new. After several beers and fighting my way through a lot of mud I realised the wait for the toilets would end in disaster for me if I didn't take drastic action.

I waddled over to the flowery kiosk-type thing near the portaloos and was offered a cardboard funnel by smiley pee stewards. I was ushered inside the enclosure but I couldn't help asking for advice before I went to the inner sanctum. They suggested pulling the device 'as far back' as I could and to lean forward into the femi-urinals.

Armed with excellent advice and on the verge of wetting myself I did my best to do the funnel proud. I would say my technique was 95% effective. I had certainly been hoping for a perfect score. But it was not meant to be.

Never one to abandon a project, this year I'm going to try the Shewee. I trust reusable moulded plastic more than cardboard. I suppose that's something to do with me being a kid in the 80s or something?